Can A Man Have Their Kate and Edith Too? Part II

This post is a continuation of Can A Man Have Their Kate And Edith Too? Part I.  These posts are part of series, “A Woman’s Greatest Need.”

Showing Commitment Through Faithfulness

Part I of this post focused on the value and benefits of commitment. This post will look at how men can communicate faithfulness to their wives?

It Starts In The Mind And Heart

Many of us think faithfulness is equal to sexual loyalty. We’re considered faithful if we haven’t touched, kissed or had sex with someone who’s not our wife. 

Mental Infidelity

• What Is It?
  • Fantasizing about other partners
    • When we think, “I wonder what it would be like to be with her?”
  • Anytime our thoughts begin to dwell on being involved with, spending time, having sex with or fantasizing about someone else other than our wife.

Emotional Infidelity

• What Is It?
  • Spending emotional and relationship energy into someone other than our wife to meet our personal needs.

• Where It Starts?
  • Frequently at work
    • Meet interesting people with similar values and interests
    • Emotionally unfaithful people hide their misbehavior with comments like, “I went with Julia to lunch today,” or “Ruth and I were working hard on this project.”  The comments intentionally leaves out the details from the encounters.
    • A troubling statistic – only 50% of men feel forming a deep emotional connection with another woman cheating.

Sexual Infidelity

• The Catalysts
  • Unrestrained emotional and mental infidelity
  • Physical touch plus sexual chemistry
    • Casual brushes can lead to full embraces and eventually sex unless someone decides to stop
• The Statistics
  • Experts estimate between 44% of husbands and 25% of wives have had extramarital sex

In Gallup’s annual Values and Beliefs survey 1,535 American adults were asked about the moral acceptability of 20 behaviors.

Surprisingly, a smaller percentage considered polygamy (83 percent), human cloning (83 percent) and suicide (77 percent) morally wrong.

Four Main Reasons People Use To Justify Affairs

1. New-found sexual excitement
2. New-found love or romance
3. Emotional intimacy from companionship and understanding
4. Reasons like career advancement or revenge

Do the above reasons look familiar? These reasons are close to the benefits enjoyed by committed couples like sexual responsiveness, emotional sharing and companionship. Our commitment needs to turn into will power if we want to remain faithful. How do we practice faithfulness? Here are some tips.

Who Do You Only Have Eyes For?

Men tend to be more visually stimulated than women, we need to watch where we look. Not an easy job considering today’s media doesn’t make it easy.  They know sex sells, so they bait the hook with the best “lure” available.

• Are you watching online porn?
• Are you watching cable programs you wouldn’t watch with your son or daughter?
• Are you visiting “adult” book stores or strip clubs?
• Are you checking out the ladies when you’re out in public?
• Are you looking at online profiles of old girlfriends, your wife’s girlfriends or women on dating websites like Ashley Madison?
• Are you looking at a woman’s eyes instead of her cleavage when you speak with her?

If you answer “yes” to any of the above questions you’ve got to make tough choices – you can’t have your Kate and Edith too. Commit to keeping your eyes on your wife and her only. Your wife must feel you only have eyes for her.

Sorry I’m Taken

• Wear your wedding band when you’re out in public.
• When possible bring your wife to social events especially those at work.
  
• In conversation with women other than your wife make sure you mention your wife in a complementary and positive way; absolutely no sharing of marital struggles unless she’s your therapist.
  
• Be transparent with your wife about your relationships with other women especially those you could be attracted to or they could be attracted to you – no secrets
• Avoid situations where you are alone with a woman other than your wife.

Women can sense this spirit immediately and it makes them insecure. Our heart’s must remain faithful to our wives, not just when she’s present, but also when she’s not around. We need to communicate regularly to your wife she’s the only one you want. We must convince her she’s the most beautiful woman in the world to you.

Faithfulness is more than just sex. With our mind and emotions we can engage unfaithfully with a woman without being physically unfaithful. When you demonstrate faithfulness outside your home, your wife can be free and responsive in the bedroom.  Your faithfulness will give her the security she needs to flourish.

About the author

Gerardo Campbell is a Nebraska native who now calls Silicon Valley, California home. In 1995, Gerardo married his wife Roberta aka the Pretty Lady and became the stepdad to her two children. In 2011, he started the website Support for Stepfathers in an effort to reverse the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families in the United States. His website is to help and inspire stepfathers, aspiring stepfathers and the women who love them worldwide. You can follow Support for Stepdads on Twitter @support4stepdad and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/resourcesforstepfathers.

If you haven’t already done so you can read the previous posts: A Woman’s Greatest Need, Admiration and Love for His Wife and Can A Man Have Their Kate and Edith Too? Part I. The final post in this series, “Communicate His Dedication to Provide Financially” will be published next month.