Divorce is an emotional battlefield. Often it’s the children who are left as victims.
Effective co-parenting is the best way to make sure children grow into well-rounded, emotionally secure adults capable of forming lasting relationships of their own. Co-parenting needs to begin as soon as a couple decides to split, whether it’s a trial separation or divorce.
Open Communication
Whether it’s the visitation schedule or a disciplinary issue you need to be able to discuss these situations without fear of condemnation or guilt.
Frequently, it’s crucial to get an attorney’s help to with communication and sound decision making. Even if the divorce isn’t finalized yet, a lawyer can help establish guidelines and rules that may start once the divorce is final anyways.
If you feel something is unfair to you or the kids, be sure to speak in a calm and concerning way. It’s important to know how each person feels about parenting, even if you don’t agree.
Leave Your Attitude Behind
Separation and divorce is an emotionally anxious time for the adults as well as the children. Yet, in order to effectively co-parent, you must leave your ego behind and be willing to ask for help and support of your former partner.
For example, if your ex’s work schedule changes and they can no longer keep the children during visitation, they should be able to call and discuss the situation with you (and vice versa) without fear of emotional retribution. Staying calm is imperative to having important discussions with your former partner.
There will be times when your ability to remain calm will be tested. Perhaps your partner just called to tell you there’s a new love interest in their life and they would like to meet the children.
At this point, when you are tempted to give into negative impulses, remember the reason why you are working on maintaining a stable, calm relationship with your former partner.
As long as you remember this fact, it will help during difficult situations with your former partner.
Be Flexible
Flexibility is not only important in raising children, but it’s a part of effective co-parenting as well. If your former partner suddenly has the opportunity to take the children on an exciting holiday and you don’t have plans, consider letting the children spend the time with their other parent.
Don’t forget, however, it’s important to discuss your visitation schedule with your divorce attorney and occasionally revise it as needed over the years.
Support Each Other
There will usually come a time when the children will expect you to take sides in a personal debate or battle with the other parent. Support the other parent’s decisions, whether it’s a disciplinary action due to failing grades or a family rule such as no staying out past midnight.
Consistency through supporting one another will not only help co-parent your children, but it will also cut down on further battles such as switching sides when the children attempt to take advantage of one parent over the other.
Effective co-parenting is not easy. There will be times when you will want to put yourself into a time-out so you don’t say things you’ll regret or lose your temper in a moment of frustration.
Yet by co-parenting your children with your former partner, you will raise confident adults who will thrive in today’s society and be capable of creating their own successful relationships in life. Informational credit to Kitchen Simeson Belliveau Llp.
If you’re already an effective parent Anita offers great advice on how to remain an effective parent after a divorce.
