Today, approximately 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. It’s a high percentage, considering the chance these couples take to make it work a second time. Most couples who remarry have children from previous relationships and often fail to take into account how blending families will affect the new family unit.
Having children from first marriages brings added amounts of stress to the relationship. When it comes to second marriages, that stress intensifies on many levels. However, many marriages can and do succeed if you follow these tips on how to handle a remarriage with your kids.
Take Your Time
For some reason, people who were married before like to think they’re now marriage experts. While there are usually invaluable lessons learned, as many Kitchen Simeson LLP lawyers from Oshawa, Ontario will say, second marriages face obstacles never experienced in the first. Children are often at the center of these challenges.
With that said, the first step in handling remarriage with your kids is to take your time.
Don’t jump into the marriage without establishing a mutual, well-established family plan with your partner and children.
You might want to talk to a specialist trained to deal in blended family remarriage.
Maintain An Open Dialogue
Maintain an open dialogue between you, your partner and include your kids when it’s appropriate. Take the time to discuss how you both feel about parenting. What role you expect each other to play in disciplining your children. Talk about vacations, money and encourage your children to share their feelings.
Never make them feel like it’s wrong to talk about their biological parents, and don’t be afraid if things get heated. If you’re at least talking, you’re establishing the lines of communication necessary for any relationship to succeed. A family that is open and honest is most often able to make it work with compromises and time to straighten out how each person feels about the new situation.
Don’t Ignore Red Flags and Expect Clashes
If you notice tension between your spouse and your children, or between your stepchildren and children, don’t ignore the signs. In fact, you have to expect clashes of personalities to occur. When that happens, use those lines of communication to discuss the issues and work hard at finding a solution everyone can agree to.
Not every remarriage is going to have a happy ending, and sometimes everyone may not get along. It is better to get everything out in the open when you can. Take time to discuss the things most important to you and your family.
Take Some Space
Sometimes what’s most often needed in these kinds of new family units is space. Everyone, even the kids should have some time for themselves. It takes time to get used to a new home and a new family. Make sure everyone has time to individually process the new space.
Give each other room to grow and you might be surprised at the results. Kids will definitely need comfort and reassurances at this time, but also give them some time to themselves. Starting a new family is never easy for anyone.
Here’s the thing, remarriage takes more work than a first marriage because you need more space, resources, and added patience. Follow these steps, and don’t be afraid to escape with your spouse occasionally to enjoy quality time and regroup from the challenges that come your way. Most importantly, don’t give up in the face of those challenges. After all, that’s what you sign up for when you remarry with kids.
Brooke Chaplan is a freelance writer and blogger. She studied writing and journalism at the University of New Mexico. After graduating she moved to Los Lunas where she now lives and works. Contact her via Twitter @BrookeChaplan.
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