Being a stepparent is never easy. It may be the way stepparents are portrayed in movies and television shows. It may be the result of the emotional state of the children.
It may be because you feel nervous as the step parent. Whatever the reason for the disconnect between the child and the step parent, the step parent as the adult in the situation must take the first steps to make things better.
As a stepparent, you may be able to gain a lot of “points” with your stepchild or children by becoming their biggest cheerleader. Show a genuine interest in their passions, and show a pride in their accomplishments. When you show your step children they are important in your life, they will respond accordingly.
Showing Your Support
• Academically Inclined Children
If your stepchild is very studious, make sure you notice their accomplishments. Attend science fairs, debates, spelling bees and other competitions.
Encourage their love of a subject by becoming more familiar with the topic. Have their awards framed and display them where all can see.
• Artistically Inclined Children
Your stepchildren may have different artistic abilities. If they display a talent or interest in artwork, acting, singing, musical instruments or any other creative talent, do your best to promote these interests.
Have art work professionally framed with prints made to share, attend plays, and attend their musical lessons. All of it will really matter to them.
• Athletically Inclined Children
Sporting events are always a great way to bond with your stepchild. Show your support by attending all their games.
Host a party for their team as a way to show your pride. Give meaningful support when the team is not at their best. Go to their practices and be their leading cheerleader.
Children respond to many different emotions. However, when a parent has pride in them, regardless if they are a step parent or their biologic, they will respond with love.
It is very meaningful to a child to have someone be proud of their accomplishments. It is very important to them to have their interests and accomplishments have meaning to people other than themselves.
While this may not be the “cure-all” for step parent and step child relationships, it is a very good way to start a relationship. This is exactly how adults form relationships and bond. They find something in common and allow their friendships to bloom from that point.
Your step child may be suffering from confusion and frustration because their parents are separated. Many children believe a stepparent is the cause of that separation, even if they did not enter into the picture for a long time after that separation occurred.
By trying to be very understanding of this anxiety, and showing the stepchildren you are interested and you care, you can overcome any hostile feeling they may have when you first become a new family.
Melanie Fleury is a mother to four children. While all of them are unique in their talents, they all love the attention and praise she showers them for a job well done. For her artist child, letting her choose her favorite prints and framing her own artwork has become a great motivator to create more art.
