How To Give Your Teenaged Stepdaughter Space To Find Herself

Raising a teenage daughter can be challenging enough without adding the differences associated with being a stepfather. After all, every teenager goes through their own version of the moody and rebellious stage. Girls tend to be rougher on their fathers during this period.

Fortunately, there are several ways you can let your teenage stepdaughter feel like she has the proper amount of space to truly find herself without you completely giving up parental control.

Five Areas of Self-Expression for Your Teenage Stepdaughter

Pick your battles. Giving your stepdaughter free rein over some issues in her life may make her more receptive when you talk to her about stuff that really matters. Although you should still pay close attention so you can help guide her in the right direction, it’s a good idea to let her start making her own decisions in several areas.

1. Creating Her Social Circle

You might not like her best friend or the person she chooses to date. Telling her that is only going to make her want to be around those people more.

Instead, you may need to take a more passive approach unless you have a legitimate concern the people in her social circle are involved in criminal activities.

2. Exploring Her Academic Options

A good education is one of the building blocks she’ll need for a successful future. It may also be an outlet for self-exploration. For example, if she wants to take an art class as an elective. 

You think it may serve no useful purpose in the long run, however, it may provide a short-term outlet for her to express some of her deepest feelings.

3. Finding Her Decorating Style

The posters may be weird and the paint may be too loud, the rug shaggy, and the furniture shabby, but her room is her domain. Letting her decorate it as she sees fit may be a painful but healthy compromise. Her room is a reflection of her personality. 

Your support of even the most outlandish furnishings may reflect positively on your relationship with her. If she is too young to have a job, you might even consider giving her a small budget to redo her space.

4. Body Image

Most parents are not exactly thrilled by their daughter’s makeup and wardrobe choices. Sometimes it is a good idea to let forge her own path with a little gentle guidance from you. Mastering the art of compromise is a skill well worth developing when rearing a teenager.

For example, when she announces her intention to get a set of tattoos, you might recommend and pay for some temporary tattoos available online instead. That way she can experience the thrill of tattoo artistry without making a permanent commitment to it.

5. Music

Parents have disliked the music teenagers listen to since the advent of rock and roll but, like you, she deserves the freedom to enjoy the music of her generation.

If you do not want to hear it, give her an iPod with a nice set of headphones as a birthday or holiday gift. Think of it as a peace offering – for the sake of your own and the household’s peace.

If you let your stepdaughter choose her own clothing, decorations, music, and friends, she may value your input on important topics. Therefore, giving her room for self-expression is one of the best ways to ensure she stays happy and safe.

Writer LaGeris Underwood Bell remembers fondly the challenges of step-parenthood and offers this article as encouragement to stepdads who want to make a positive difference in the lives of their stepdaughters. She recommends the purchase of large temporary tattoos as an inexpensive way to allow the creative self-expression these young ladies may need.