Divorce statistics are alarming and a sad reality with the divorce rate at 50%. Think about it: one out of two marriages fail. Something is terribly wrong. For starters, we’re all selfish.
You have spouses-to-be who have unrealistic expectations of how a “real” committed relationship truly is. Amidst the day-to-day stressors, and sometimes unimagined challenges relationships can collapse under the weight. Solutions may feel unreachable.
This is where professional counseling makes a difference. Research reveals marriage counseling can be far more effective when couples seek professional intervention early. Although counseling isn’t a cure-all, it is an avenue worth pursuing since experts in the field can dig deeply into what is making any married couple’s relationship veer off the road that was originally lined with signs saying, “Happily Ever After”, “Always and Forever” or “My Endless Love…”.
Lies You Must Not Believe
1) Getting Married Will Make Me Happy
It’s important to realize gaining individual happiness cannot be a reason for wanting to get married. Any legitimate counselor would be quick to share how your inner peace and happiness must already be in place – before you say “I do!”
Something as serious as marriage should never be viewed as a “means to an end.” If it is, someone in the marriage will be in for a boat-load of disillusionment and disappointment.
2) My Secrets Will Strengthen My Marriage
This is a lie many hold of us hold onto thinking anything can be done without your spouse’s knowledge. We rationalize secrets protect our spouses from the stress of the thing they’re unaware of which in turn will help strengthen the marriage. The million-dollar question might be: “Why the secrecy?” The answer is obvious — you’re is hiding something because you know it’s wrong.
Most counselors would quickly remind someone involved in pornography that sexual fantasies will never strengthen a marriage but only serve to isolate the secret-holder from their unaware spouse. Regardless, if we are talking about Christian counselors or secular counselors, most understand the destructive nature of this dynamic.
The fact is if you spend your sexual energies on someone or something other than your husband or wife, the respect for your them will die and love will succumb to lust – lust that will probably find a hiding place outside the marriage. Unless the real issues surrounding the attraction to pornography, or any dark secret, can be unraveled by a caring therapist, a marriage’s integrity will be thrown out like garbage. It will be a matter of time before the marriage crumbles altogether.
3) My Marriage Can’t Be Fixed
It begs the question: “Can’t” or “Won’t”?
Any couple is susceptible to falling into an abyss with challenges such as drug or alcohol abuse, adultery or even the loss of a child, all of which can tear a marriage apart. The fact remains, couples who have gone through the emotional wringer who have placed faith in the ability of counseling professionals have experienced renewal and restoration. No, not all couples can emerge victorious, but when the layers of grief, shame or fear can be lovingly exposed and methodically dealt with, new perspectives and insight can produce healing and acceptance.
A successful marriage is no accident; it’s the result of mutual effort and reciprocated respect–deliberate and mindful decisions that agree upon one thought: I want my marriage to work because I love my marriage more than I love myself!
About the Author
K. Carlson is a family advocate and enjoys leveraging her writing to support ministries like Heartfelt Christian Counseling. She lives in Nebraska where she is enjoying her retirement from teaching.
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