Becoming a stepfather is one of the most rewarding roles a man can assume. However, when a stepdad has to play the part of a father to non-biological children, maneuvering the unfamiliar territory can be difficult for all involved. The best way to have a happy family with a new stepdad taking on this position is to be aware of everyone’s needs and agree on defining the family unit.
Stepdad Communicates Feelings
Although each member of a newly blended family has a responsibility in keeping things running smoothly, the task can be particularly tedious for the stepdad. Communicating feelings properly is essential for success. A new stepfather should share his expectations openly with his spouse and children, and he should clearly express he is not trying to replace the other parent.
Stepdad Supports Children
The stepfather should also offer unconditional support to the children upfront and explain that he is an ally not an enemy. By discussing the situation regularly, the stepdad can instill confidence in the children so they can build a relationship at their own pace. Bonds take time to form, so a stepfather needs patience in order to give each child time to work through his or her feelings.
Stepdads Helps Maintain Household Boundaries
In addition to open communication, a stepdad also needs to define his function as a disciplinarian from the beginning. It’s generally a good idea for the stepparent to act as an extra resource for the biological parent. Each parent should negotiate the house rules, and the stepdad should support and reinforce the mother’s efforts on maintaining the boundaries of the home.
In order for family relationships to have meaning, every person involved needs to actively work at uniting. This includes the children. A child can ease the transition for a new stepfather by treating him with the respect as they would with any other adult. This allows the child to take his or her time adjusting to a new dad but also promotes good behavior.
Children Openly Share Feelings
Another way a child can help a stepdad merge into the family is to openly share his or her feelings. Many stepchildren feel guilty about developing relationships with their new fathers. Some are also scared of the potential changes that occur daily. By explaining these concerns, the child has the opportunity to offer suggestions that may make the transition easier for everyone.
Mom’s Cultivates Relationships
A mother also plays an important part in helping the stepdad adjust. From the beginning, she should cultivate a healthy relationship between the children and their new father. Planning family outings, watching movies on cable TV, or game days will foster communication and promote trust. It’s also a good idea for the mother to involve the stepfather in the decision making, guidance and discipline.
Author Eddie D. Shackleford is a father of two with one child being a step-child. He loves talking about the role of being a step-parent because it is important and it helps create better blended families. Eddie is also a writer and blogger for Direct4tv. You can follow Eddie @Eddie20Ford.
Read more great tips on how to be a good stepdad in the Archive How to Be a Good Stepdad.
