A blended family is created out of loss through either divorce or death of the biological parent. Grief is our natural response to loss, but it can be extremely painful and distressing. Guest author, Keith Dunham, addresses some of the causes of grief and different ways to overcome it.
Grief is difficult. No matter how prepared you may think you are to lose someone you cared about deeply, loss is not easy. It’s impossible to know exactly what to expect, because everyone deals with the situation differently. We are here to make sure you understand the many forms of grief. Some people take longer to heal than others.
Some people aren’t affected as intensely as others. While we know it’s tough, try not to compare yourself to those around you who are grieving because there is no single definition of “normal” when it comes to saying “goodbye” to an important person in your life.
Losing a Strong Connection
Whether you knew someone for a week, six months, a year, five years, ten years or your entire life, moving past death is extremely hard. While it’s easy to assume that someone who you knew for a very long time’s death would affect you more than the loss of an individual you only knew a short period of time, that’s not necessarily the case.
Sometimes we feel strong connections with people whom we have barely had a chance to get to know and it’s important that you recognize that your feelings are real.
The Many Emotions of Grief
It’s impossible to control your initial reaction. As painful as it may be, allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel. You may be angry, you may be confused and you may feel as though you can’t possibly go on. It’s common for those in grief to worry they are losing their minds or are crazy.
You may find yourself wondering why you can’t simply ‘get over it’ since there is absolutely no way to bring the person back. But, when it comes to intense emotional sorrow, logic doesn’t always prevail. It’s not going to be the easiest route, but it will be the healthiest for you to allow yourself to express all those feelings.
Opening Up, Acceptance and Moving Forward
Make sure to surround yourself with people who care for you and speak about your emotions. You may want to turn to a close friend or a councilor, if that makes you more comfortable. Remember that although you may feel completely alone in the world, that is not the case. As much as it hurts, death is a part of life, you can and will get through this.
Will it be easy? No. Will there be days where you don’t know how you can possibly take on the day? Possibly, but all of this is going to make you a stronger individual. It may take months, it may take years, but you will feel better and your life will continue.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
We cannot stress enough that everything you are feeling is absolutely normal – your unique norm. You may cry. You may become silent. You may want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. You may become extremely angry.
You may even laugh. Laughter is not always a sign of happiness; it can also be a sign of relief or a release for the body after being completely overwhelmed by watching someone you love leave this life.
Finding Your Own Way to Deal
We realize it’s much easier said than done, but there is no reason to compare your loss to those around you. Although you may feel the need, proving your love to others is not important. Just because you are still going to work, hanging out with your friends and playing sports with your children does not mean you didn’t love the person who is gone.
For many people, staying busy and keeping as normal a life as possible is crucial. Sitting at home and dwelling may be helpful for short periods of time to allow you to think and process what happened but staying distant, cutting off ties with those you care about most and giving up on your own life is not going to help you, or anyone around you.
Try to take care of yourself the best you can. Put additional focus on the things you enjoy the most so you can view the positives in life and not find yourself in a cycle of depression.
Support Groups
Although it’s very difficult to see it now, the future is still bright and in time, this will become easier. Not sure how to open up or how to deal with everything going through your mind? Locate a local support group or find one on the web.
Hearing others’ stories and struggles with grief may be exactly what you need in order to find the best solution to keep you on the right track. Having a close friend or family member go with you could prove to be helpful, as well.
Keith Dunham, the author has a keen interest in family and relationships and resorts to guest blogging to share his thoughts on it. He is part of the team at Abbey Cremation Service, a company that provides cremation services in CT.
