If you want to improve your relationship with your children, stepchildren, spouse, coworkers, and even your ex, learn to acknowledge their feelings before you seek to fix their problem. Sometimes we hear someone’s problem and immediately start in with, “You should . . .” or “What I would do is . . .”
In our eagerness to help or advise, we jump right over the most important thing; acknowledging how they feel. At best, people are only partially ready to hear your ideas at this point.
Worst-case scenario, they feel like you’ve shut them down, especially when it comes to teens and our partners. To open their ears to your suggestions, take just a moment and ask yourself, “How is this person feeling right now?”
Take a 30-second pause. Then articulate it. “You sound frustrated,” or “you seem sad about that” are simple yet powerful observations. And it works great with little ones. They stop, look up at you, and then go their way.
It works so well on everyone in your family and outside, from children to CEOs, because our human nature yearns to feel understood. If you are interested in learning how to be a good stepfather, try it, and watch your communications flourish.
With a greater than 50% divorce rate, the family dynamic in America has shifted from the traditional biological mother, biological father, and children to include a wide variety of different types of families. With this shift in family dynamic has come to a great need for learning how to accommodate the needs of all involved. Here’s how you can help your stepkids feel safe in their new blended family.
