Submitted by TheOtherMom on StepTalk.org
A teenager posted on here this evening and besides being annoying, it did make me stop and think about my stepfather.
He was 20 years older than my mother and she was his home nurse. My father tried to deport my mother (she was from England and her Green Card expired) after they divorced (married 27 years). My father left my mother for my current SM – I am civil to my SM but am too old to cause drama in their lives. She has married the fool and now she is paying for it.
But I digress. My stepfather was in a wheelchair (spinal stroke left him a paraplegic) and didn’t want to stay in convalescent care the rest of his life. My mother needed a solution. In the 2 years that my mother took care of him, they developed that rapoire that commonly occurs in the health care field but also,they giggled together.
I truly believe they were lost souls that came together for a reason – he needed a companion as did she and he also provided her a way to stay in the USA while she renewed her card (she eventually became a citizen) and he didn’t have to stay in a hospital and could spend his life at home. It was a mutually beneficial situation.
He took me in when I was denied entrance to a university in England. He taught me organizational skills, father-daughter things I somehow missed out on, and awesome study habits (he was a retired principal) and if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be where I am today. He passed away in 2006 while I was in Korea and I never went to his funeral because the military said “He is just your stepdad.” I am over it now but it was hard to handle at the time.
At any rate, I know I must have driven him crazy at times, but he was so patient. Guess that comes with the teaching profession. I saw how he came to love my mother and helped her heal. They truly were the best of friends. They taught me how two people can be excellent friends and have a healthy relationship even when sex isn’t involved.
Looking back, hearing my bigoted and ignorant father speak now, I am ashamed that I wasn’t closer to my stepfather out of loyalty to my father. I know he understood this but I feel pain sometimes and hope he realized I did appreciate him.
To the other struggling stepparents, if you raise the children right, I think they will come to these realizations too.
I was encouraged by the article as well as by the associated posts. I was surprised and saddened the military wouldn’t release her to attend her stepfather’s funeral. Considering the number of blended families now out number nuclear families hopefully this has changed.
Her last sentence resonated with me,”To the other struggling stepparents, if you raise the children right, I think they will come to these realizations.” With maturity you hope they would come this realization but I think you should also be prepared the light may never come on.
One comment I appreciated stated stepparenting is best approached as a job not a relationship. You can take pride in a job well done even if the boss does not appreciate it.
Another comment stated that self-actualized and mature stepparents realize that. They don’t need verbal communication that they are doing a good job. They can tell by looking at their stepkids.
Get down off the cross honey, somebody needs the wood! – Dolly Parton
Facinating post, it really makes a person think. I always like to read good posts about stuff like this. Keep the thought provoking posts coming. Thanks again for sharing it with us.
I have looked for some information of this topic for the last several hours! Your blog is greatly treasured.2
Thank you for your kind words. I’m happy you find value in my blog. Please come back again.
Gerardo
It’s great to hear the information here makes sense and is a value. Please keep coming back and share the link with your friends. Thanks.
Gerardo
I truly adore the submitting along with your current site overall!
Thanks Barbara I hope you continue to visit in the future.
Gerardo
great submit, very informative. I’m wondering why the other experts of this sector do not notice this. You should continue your writing. I’m confident, you have a huge readers’ base already!