The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
How do you respond to criticism; a rude, thoughtless act; or a difficult situation? Are you a worm, rattlesnake or boa constrictor?
Put yourself in this scenario – your wife criticizes you for something you said to your stepdaughter. Do you humbly accept her feedback, acknowledging your mistake and then committing to make amends with your stepdaughter?
Like a lowly worm do you allow ego and pride to be stepped on and crushed? Or do you recoil like a deadly rattler, baring fangs dripping with venom ready to strike back?
Do you say to yourself, “How dare she criticize me after all I do for her kids!” Or is your approach more like the boa constrictor?
You sneakily plot how you are going to get even all the while building negative thoughts and feelings toward your wife. These feelings turn into bad attitudes and like the constrictor you squeeze the life out of your relationship.
We don’t really know who we are until we’re under the vise of pressure.
If we’re honest with ourselves a lot of times we respond like snakes. We hold unforgiveness, and we’re ready to rise up and strike.
When people take advantage of us, we find devious ways to get even. When we’re criticized, we respond with words that bite like poison.
We point the finger at everyone saying they are the problem neglecting the three fingers pointing back at ourselves. Why is it so difficult to hear from those close to us tell us the truth about ourselves?
I can’t speak for you but for me, there’s a part of me that really doesn’t want to hear what they have to say. I’m guilty of wanting you and everyone else to see me as bigger and better than everyone.
I feel threatened when my cool, always together and everything’s working for me self-image is challenged. Instead of looking within myself to correct what is deficient I focus outward on the messenger telling myself they are the problem and respond like a snake.
I don’t even consider this person may be in my life to make me a better husband, stepfather or worker. In our blended families, we can easily become captured by everyone else’s opinion of us.
Reacting to what those within your circle say and do that shows they are thinking less of us than we imagine ourselves to be. We become prisoners to others vainly struggling to elevate ourselves in the eyes of others.
We are more concerned with what people think and say about us than about our Creator’s opinion of us. When we are in that place we are so caught up in our own world we cannot lead and support our families.
The key to unlocking our chains of pride and ego is humility. When I see myself as not any better than anyone else and being my true self I am open to feedback and correction.
The next time you’re under the vise of pressure and your self-image is challenged, remember you have only three choices – worm, rattlesnake or constrictor.
What is your deepest fear? Please read what Marianne Williamson has to say about fear by clicking here.
