Twenty-Five New Year’s Eve One Liners And Puns ~ Friday Humor

Party hats, noise makers, streamers and the promise of new beginnings all make-up New Year’s Eve. With kids in the picture their early morning wake-up call is exactly what you need after a night of partying.

These New Year’s Eve one liners and puns will have you laughing into next year.

1. My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka or whiskey.
2. What’s the Problem with Jogging on New Years Eve? The ice falls out of your drink!
3. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered nobody likes a quitter.
4. What’s the forecast for New Years Eve? Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
5. My brother’s New Year’s resolution is to move out of my parents’ house. You’d think after 49 years, he’d try another one.
6. What happened to the drunk man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking.
7. My New Year’s resolution is to break my New Year’s resolutions. That way I succeed at something!
8. My friend asked me where I see myself in the new year. How would I know? I don’t have 2020 vision.
9. My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my TV. 
10. An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve. One was charged and the other was let off.
11. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months!
12. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Eve.
13. Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for New Year’s middle age is when you’re forced to.
14. What food should you avoid on New Year’s? Fire crackers.
15. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions. 
16. New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar. 
17. Every year on New Year’s Eve, when everyone’s counting down the final ten seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes, so I always start the new year off on the right foot.
18. I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.
19. New Year? I just got used to this last one!
20. Every New Year’s Day, I have the same question: “How did I get home?”
21. What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day? The Times Square cleanup crew.
22. Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve? To ring in the new year.
23. A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
24. It’s officially New Year’s Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.
25. New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.

About the author

In 1995, Gerardo Campbell married his now ex-wife becoming the stepdad to her two children. In 2011, he started Support for Stepfathers to reverse the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families in the US. His website is to help and inspire stepfathers, aspiring stepfathers and the women who love them worldwide. You can follow Support for Stepdads on Twitter and Facebook.