If you and your partner have been married for a while, it’s normal to have sex less frequently than you did during the first few years of your relationship. However, that number should never go down to zero, and when you do start having less sex, naturally, the quality of it should improve.
If the problem is you’re not having any sex at all, then the first thing you need to realize is sex it’s not the problem. It’s your relationship that’s in trouble, and the lack of sex is only one of the symptoms. With that in mind, here are a few things to consider about how to fix a sexless marriage.
Figure out the Real Problem
Sarah E. Clark, a licensed therapist and relationship expert, states the lack of sex is more often than not a sign of a more serious issue. It could be the lack of intimacy, some sort of resentment, boredom, or neglect.
In short, everything that happens to you emotionally can impact your sex life. So, the first thing you need to do is figure out the actual cause of your problem and for how long it’s been going on.
This means you need to be open with your partner and talk about this. Another expert, Joyce Marter, explains that some people are afraid to do this because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings.
However, you can’t solve this problem without discussing it. After all, if you’re unhappy about it, there’s a chance your partner is as well, so being honest and open is the first step towards being happy again.
Take Care of Your Appearance
Another tip to help you fix a sexless marriage is to take care of your appearance. Beauty fades over time, and we all age, so it’s normal not to look the same way you did when you met.
However, people very often become a bit too comfortable in marriage, so they stop caring about their appearance. You might think your partner is supposed to love you no matter how many pounds you gain, but the thing is, if you love your partner, you should always try to look your best for them.
Plus, even though personality often does matter more than looks, your appearance still plays a role in how attracted your partner is to you. So, be honest with yourself – have you let yourself go? If the answer is yes, it might be the reason your partner no longer wishes to have sex with you.
The good thing about it, though, is you can always get back in shape. Moreover, putting in the effort to do so would show your partner you care about them, which could make them fall in love with you again.
Spice Things Up
Sometimes, the problem can be your partner is simply too bored in the bedroom. This also often happens when people have been together for a while, as there aren’t really many positions you can try without risking an injury.
However, there are other ways to spice things up in the bedroom. For example, if your partner is open to experimenting with adult toys, you can introduce them into your routine.
There are more than a few different toys you can try, so it might be just the thing you need to get back on track. Besides the toys, you can also try setting the mood with romantic candles, or you can change the scenery entirely by surprising your partner with a trip to some romantic destination.
Realize the Kids are not the Reason
Most experts agree having young children can put a lot of strain on your marriage regardless of your profession or household chores. From the lack of sleep to all the stress from increased financial needs, sex can easily become the last thing on your mind.
Plus, as Joyce Marter explains, breastfeeding can often make mothers feel much less desirable, as what was once an erotic part of the body now becomes a source of food for their child.
This can also affect the fathers since the image of their spouse can become more maternal than sexual. However, there are ways to preserve the attraction you have for each other.
For example, you can keep the baby’s crib out of your bedroom. This could help you feel like lovers again and find time for each other before sleep. Another advice from Lisa Thomas, a licensed relationship and sex therapist, is to schedule some time together.
You can hire a babysitter or ask a family member to take your kids off your hands for a few hours once a week. Use this time to bond in any way you need.
Physical intimacy is an important part of every romantic relationship, and the lack of it is not something you should learn to cope with. On the contrary, it often means there is a deeper issue, and it also means your communication is probably not as good as it should be.
Don’t hesitate to consult a marriage counselor if needed. Once you employ these tips on how to fix a sexless marriage, your relationship is bound to become much stronger. Here are some reasons why emotional intimacy is important in every marriage.
