Helping Stepchildren Adjust After A Big Move
Building Bonds and Creating Comfort in a New Family Space
Moving is often an emotional, stressful time in a family’s life. Moving with stepchildren can be even more challenging as they must integrate into a new family, home, and, often, a new town and school. As a stepfather, you can help them adjust by implementing the following strategies.
Understand the Emotional Impact of Moving on Stepchildren
The first step is being aware of the emotional impact that moving into a new home will have on the stepchildren. How they feel depends in part on their ages. Younger children often adapt to changes in circumstances without a lot of emotional upheaval. However, they may be unable to express how they feel. Talking to them about what’s happening and preparing them for the move before it happens can help alleviate their fears.
Conversation is just as important with older children. Talk to them about each step in the moving process. Be sensitive to what it will feel like for them to pack up their room and leave the place where they’ve spent the last several years. As hectic as moving can be, look for ways to lessen stress. Declutter as you pack or hire a professional moving company to move all your stuff so you can focus on getting the family to the destination.
Create a Safe Space: Set Up Their Room Together
Once you’ve arrived at the new house, set up their room as soon as possible. Include them in the decorating, even if it’s just deciding where the furniture should go in the space. Get their input on the color scheme or theme of the room. You could take them shopping to pick out paint colors or new bedding. This room will become their safe space, a place to go when everything feels unfamiliar or overwhelming.
Help your child choose items that make them feel safe, such as a tent that can be set up in the middle of the room for younger kids. Older kids might want a reading nook or a gaming chair to play video games. Consider making a bulletin board of memories with photos of their friends or family members that they’ve had to leave behind or pictures of a special vacation.
Before you pack to move, talk to your kids about what they want to take and what they prefer to leave behind. Allow them to help you donate toys and clothes they’ve outgrown. Talk about the fun of buying new bedroom furniture or curtains once you move. Make it an event with just the two of you going to stores, shopping for the perfect comforter, or picture for the wall. These activities allow you to start building memories in the new house immediately.
Build Routines and Maintain Consistency in a New Environment
Kids feel safer with routines because they know what to expect. Once you move into your new house, take a few minutes to decide what your morning and evening routines will look like. For younger kids, you might put up a chart on the wall or refrigerator as a reminder. Some of your routines may need to change, especially if you live further from their school. They might need to get up earlier or allow more time for certain tasks.
As much as possible, maintain old routines in your new environment. If you read a bedtime story every night, continue to read one in your new home. Even though you’ll be busy getting settled into your routines, your child needs the stability from these habits. It will also help you relax and adjust as well.
Blend Family Traditions and Create New Ones
As you blend your families, you’ll have to adapt to some of your traditions. Take time to sit down with the kids and discuss which traditions you’ll continue and which ones need to change. For example, going to Grandma’s house for dinner on Sunday or breakfast on Saturday may not work if you’ve moved away from family. But you might plan for pizza and movie night on Fridays.
Creating new family traditions is just as important. You can devise ideas as a family of fun things to do or ways to spend time together. When you develop a new tradition, it helps create a stronger bond for your new family. For example, you might take a walk around the neighborhood on Sunday evenings or go to the local ice cream shop for a scoop of your favorite flavor on a Saturday afternoon.
Traditions help provide a sense of belonging and stability for kids. Creating new traditions can make them feel more at home in their new house and neighborhood. You don’t have to feel pressured to develop a big idea; a short activity can be just as unique. For older kids and teens, you might take them out for coffee once a week or visit a library or another place that allows you to share something you have in common.
Moving with children can often be challenging, but you can overcome these challenges with some planning. Be intentional about the time you spend with your kids; they’ll feel secure no matter where they live.
