A secondary infertility diagnosis can be difficult for couples to handle. You and your significant other have decided you’re ready to have kids. Though you have children from previous relationships, the idea of having a child the two of you share is something you’ve always wanted.
You’ve been trying to get pregnant for the last few months to a year without luck. You go to the doctor to find out what’s going on, and you’re told one or both of you are suffering from secondary infertility.
The news hits you pretty hard. Here, you’ve found a partner you want to experience everything in life with, but having children together may not be possible. Right now, you may be feeling like life isn’t fair or even that this is some sort of “karma” for getting divorced.
Though it won’t be easy to get past the psychological impact of secondary infertility, it is possible. Here’s how to get through secondary fertility as a couple.
Allow Yourselves to Grieve
Lots of couples suffering from secondary infertility do not allow themselves to grieve as they should. This is because they feel guilty. They realize they are blessed to have the children they have and perhaps feel it’s kind of selfish to grieve when there are couples who cannot have children at all.
The truth, however, is this is still a traumatic experience you’ll need time to heal from emotionally. Your idea of a family together has been altered, and it’s too painful to sweep under the rug.
Don’t be afraid to give yourselves time to grieve. Take time to go through the emotions it brings. This may mean crying, punching pillows, writing in a journal, and even distancing yourself from friends and family for a bit, but it is necessary to get past the pain and back to your life.
Seek Help
Everyone grieves differently. While some couples might just need a little time to wrap their heads around the fact that they cannot make a family the way they’d hoped, others can spiral downward fast.
They stop caring for their health, stop doing things they love and enjoy, suffer from issues at work. Some are also likely to start relying on substances like drugs and alcohol to cope.
If this is the case, it is vital to speak up and get help. There are men and women mental health centers that can provide you with the support you need to get past this difficult time.
Gain Support from Loved Ones
As you’re going through this trying time, it is common to fall behind on your day-to-day tasks. This even includes being present for your children.
Since you don’t want your children to feel neglected, and life does have to continue, it may be ideal to gain support from your loved ones. Your friends and family can pitch in to help out with the kids or even household chores while you get yourselves together emotionally.
Spend Quality Time as a Family
Though it can be tough to deal with having trouble adding to your family, it’s important not to forget the blessing in the family you have. After you’ve had some time to grieve and sought help for your emotional struggles, start reconnecting with your children.
Find time to spend as a family where you’re focused on things you enjoy. The time you share together will help to lift your spirits. It will also help to put any concerns or emotions your children may have been feeling as you’ve struggled.
Learn your Options
There are couples who struggled from secondary infertility that went on to have more children. Believe it or not, there are several options for couples interested in starting a family.
You could use fertility medications, or consider fertility procedures like IUI or IVF using a surrogate or donor. You could also consider getting artificial home insemination using donor sperm if you want the process to be as private and intimate as possible. If that isn’t an option, there’s also the possibility of becoming foster parents and even adopting a child.
Hearing the news you and your partner aren’t able to have children together is devastating. It doesn’t matter how many children you presently have. Don’t sweep your emotions under the rug during this time. Instead, learn how to come together as a couple using the advice provided above to get past the pain and onto better days.
