Parenting: Finding the Balance between giving Freedom and risking Safety
Being a parent is not always as great as it seems from the romanticization you might see and hear, especially if you’re a stepparent. Being a stepdad can be a thankless job at times, with the responsibility of providing for our children, protecting them, and also fighting for them if necessary.
All the while dealing with the stigma of not being the biological father, who might still be in the picture.
However, there are some things learned by experience and cannot be taught. Characteristics like courage, honesty, and independence are only learned as you grow older.
We cannot force our children to do or learn these things without the hint of pain and resentment. There are times when we need to be able to give them the freedom to learn on their own.
Hence as parents, we bear the responsibility of finding the balance between freedom and safety. But therein lies the problem: How do we strike a balance between being democratic and being authoritative?
That problem is further compounded by safety considerations and the world’s dangers. So, how do you strike a balance?
Plot Twist: You don’t.
Can there be a Balance?
The error here is the idea this dilemma can be solved overnight, with the snap of a finger.
Instead, it’s a question of how much do you trust their ability to make the right decisions? This is something you and your wife should talk about frequently, so as a team, you can work together to figure out the best approach to these situations as they come up.
Truth is, this is something you cannot figure out overnight or by yourself. It’s determined over many years of observation.
Like any good parent, you may struggle in finding the balance between freedom and safety and giving your child the freedom they long for. The only way to help them become responsible enough for self-regulation comes in the form of a single word – RULES.
Yes, you read that right.
The Value of Rules
Rules not only help children form good habits, but they also help teach them the importance of adhering to what is right. Beyond that, when our children can understand the importance of rules, they in turn also become wise critics of rules when they encounter things that don’t make sense.
They can learn to question rules, understand what works and what doesn’t, why rules exist and work within them rather than being rebels without a cause.
You need to be willing to give your child the chance to earn your trust. As difficult as it may sound, even when you’re the parent, you need to learn to pay the trust forward.
But this doesn’t necessarily mean that you turn a blind eye and give them their freedom. A prime example would be when your teenage son asks to borrow your motorcycle for a night out for the first time.
If you’ve built a mutual trust over the years, then it’s outstanding to pay the trust forward. It also pays to teach them the importance of insurance, and what to do if they’re ever in an accident – from documentation to getting quotes and repairs done, to filing an insurance claim, to hiring an injury lawyer.
But, this should also come with a fair warning.
Entrusting your Child
You need to discuss things properly and come to an agreement. An excellent start-off point in this scenario would be to help your child learn more about the dangers of reckless driving, as well as the risks posed by other drivers.
Give your child a sense of accountability by telling them you’re entrusting him with your motorcycle, and you trust his ability to make sound judgments.
The real importance of giving freedom isn’t to appease your child’s yearning for it. Rather it’s to help them learn how to use it properly.
Numerous adults don’t know how to manage themselves because they didn’t receive the freedom to do so when they were younger. After all, how can you learn to manage something you never had?
As a parent of a newly licensed driver, you might be feeling a mix of emotions. On the one hand, you don’t need to play chauffeur anymore.
However, you also have new worries to think about like distracted driving and other dangers on the road. As soon as your teen starts driving and before they begin driving alone, it’s a good idea to set some rules.
Setting rules and sticking to them can be difficult. However, here are some ways to make rules for your new driver and keep them.
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