The Pretty Lady and her ex had joint custody of their two children. We lived within five miles of her ex. He was a fire fighter with a schedule of four days on and three days off. The schedule made for a disruptive schedule for the kids especially during the school year where during a school week the kids would either be transitioning to or from our home if their dad’s shift started or ended during the week. Writer Brooke Chaplan addresses the impacts of long distance divorce.
Long distance parenting and visitations may seem like an effective solution when two parents must live in separate places after a divorce, but it can lead to emotional issues with children. It’s easy to assume children don’t notice the absence of a parent if 
frequent visits are made, but living life from afar can take a toll on any child with emotional effects that can show up in all stages of development. There are several effects that should be considered for mothers and fathers considering long distance parenting.
Disruption in Daily Activities
For children who must split their time between two parents, it can mean the child having to sacrifice their participation in sports or clubs on the weekends. Having a long distance parent means the child will have to work their schedule around their second parent without as much freedom to commit to hobbies or time with their peers, this can often lead to resentment and social issues.
Put your child’s needs first and decide what they want to keep a constant and regular part of life,
whether that’s neighbor friends or the local soccer team. Ask them what they like the most at both of their homes and make those things a priority to keep regular and involved in.
Less Guidance and Discipline Provided
Being a single parent may mean guidance, disciplinary action and attention will be kept at a minimum. One parent will be challenged to fulfill both parenting roles, which can often lead to poor academic performance, a low standard of morals and even behavioral issues. Although kids may see their father on the weekends, the lack of that parent’s presence throughout the week will ultimately determine who they become and how they are regularly disciplined.
Instability
Having two geographically separate homes far in distance can lead to instability in a child’s life. A child who has a constant disruption in their schedule due to visits from a distant parent can interrupt the continuity in their schedule and habits they need in order to develop.
Make stability something you can both work on.
If they have a room in each house, make sure they have many of the same things in each. If you live in New Orleans, keep shared toys and decorations in a New Orleans storage unit or a local storage until the time they come to visit so it feels familiar in both places. Have them decorate their own space as well giving them the freedom they need in both homes.
Increased Anxiety
Studies have shown children who are provided long distance parenting often experience various levels of anxiety due to the insecurity and lack of safety that they begin to feel in their different, changing homes.
Having a parent who is distant in location is often equated with a lack of protection, making it easy for the child to feel vulnerable and more prone to insecurity and fear.
Although long distance parenting may be the only option after a divorce, it can have long-term ramifications for children with the everyday absence and inconsistency of family life. For many people, it can mean building an emotional distance within the family unit, and making it more of a challenge for the children to thrive emotionally.
While these consequences are often seen, they also depend on a number of factors. When parents work together to create a good system and schedule for sharing children, all kinds of families can make it work.
The key is putting the child’s needs first and sharing feelings so that they know the change they are experiencing is something they don’t have to face alone.
Brooke Chaplan is a freelance writer and blogger. She lives and works in Los Lunas, New Mexico. She loves to run, bike and hike. She also enjoys taking care of her cactus collection. Contact Brooke via Twitter @BrookeChaplan.
