More Of The Best Puns ~ Friday Humor

1. A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes…
2. My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
3. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.
4. Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
5. A Mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said, Uno, Dos, and he disappeared without a trace
6. The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
7. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
8. “Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
9. I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of Chapstick. She still isn’t talking to me.
10. eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
11. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
12. Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
13. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
14. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
15. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
16. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
17. My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
18. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
19. Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
20. I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
21. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
22. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
23. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
24. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
25. My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly… I’m not a fan.

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About the author

In 1995, Gerardo Campbell married his now ex-wife becoming the stepdad to her two children. In 2011, he started Support for Stepfathers to reverse the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families in the US. His website is to help and inspire stepfathers, aspiring stepfathers and the women who love them worldwide. You can follow Support for Stepdads on Twitter and Facebook.