Dating is not easy, especially if you’re a middle-aged man with kids. You know the time and energy are better spent elsewhere. However, you still want some affection in your life because who doesn’t?
Technology has changed dating over the past ten years (just like any other thing in life). And now we see more men setting up shop on the likes of Tinder and Bumble, hoping they can find love or romance there.
Since online dating is part of my job description, I’d like to show you the top seven mistakes single dads make with online dating. There’re a lot of dating tips and tricks that can help but also some things to avoid.
1. Taking Bad Photos
I’m not perfect, but I get matches almost daily because I can take photos that make me look good. You don’t have to look hot in a swimsuit to match with beautiful women. You just need the right poses.
Ever asked why women pose for photos with their sides? Because it makes them look slimmer. Most women (if not all of them) use the power of posing to look better, and so should you.
Look at your mirror and practice as many poses as possible. Pick up a memory where you felt cocky, superior, or liked by women, then re-live that memory. This will make your emotions flow on camera, and the photos will look genuine and cool.
2. Choosing the Wrong Dating App
Each time you sign up for a dating app, you will have to:
- Upload your best photos, and verify them
- Write a good bio
- Manage your subscription (free or paid), and
- Answer a few personal questions (some apps ask for that)
Now imagine doing this with every app on the play store (and they’re many) how much time (and money) will you waste if you pick up a few bad apples? Many.
This is why you should consider these aspects before signing up for a dating app as well as checking out a few dating app reviews worth checking out like those from Beyond Ages:
-
Popularity
Who wants a party with no people? Definitely not you. That’s why the apps you choose should be popular and trustworthy. Having the word “dating” on the app doesn’t probably mean it’s a good one. It has to be reliable and full of suitable matches to serve you better.
-
Investment
How much money are you willing to spend on dating apps each month? Your answer matters because some apps offer little or no free features, and I don’t want you to waste time on them unless you are willing to invest.
The subscription fees vary from one app to another (and across countries too). I’ve seen people doing pretty well with free memberships and saw others swear by features like Tinder Platinum.
It comes down to your attractiveness, verbal skills, and budget. The hotter you look, the less money you’ll spend on dating apps.
-
Type
What do you want? Friendships, dates, casual sex? There’re apps for every taste. Some apps are for girls only (like Lulu), while some others have more LGBT options. It depends on what you want, so choose correctly.
3. Choosing the Wrong Photos
Not every photo should be on Tinder. A mirror selfie may look good, but it won’t make you compete in a city like New York or Barcelona.
It doesn’t matter if you’re looking to catch the eye of divorced women or women that have never been in a serious relationship. Women in these cities are looking for men with cool lives, and mirror selfies don’t say that (unless you have Thor’s body).
To win on a dating app, you need at least the following photos.
-
A Face Photo
You have to show the woman the face she’s about to sign up for. So, ask a friend or photographer to take a picture that puts your face in the best light possible.
For instance, if you don’t have a strong jawline, then try to pose sideways. That will make you look better.
-
A Full Body Photo
Again she wants to size you up and judge your physicality (the same way you size up a woman’s rack), so give her what she wants and get a full-body photo. You can also tweak that through good angling, fitting clothes, and maybe some Photoshop.
Also, don’t worry about being short or overweight. I have so many friends who are below 5ft7 and have dadbods and still get tens of matches every week on dating apps.
-
Activity Photos
By activity, I mean cool activities, not you mowing the lawn. What do you enjoy doing? Do you travel a lot, hike, have a band with your friends, or play soccer each Sunday? Whatever you like doing, make sure you have it on camera.
Girls want to see you have a life and there’s nothing that proves it better than a good photo of you having fun on your own.
-
Social Photos
She wants social proof you’re not the next Ted Bundy, so give her what she wants.
Any cool picture with your friends will do. But just make sure she can easily spot you among them. Also, dog photos and cool photos with your kid(s) can make women believe you’re reliable.
4. Too Many Right Swipes
Swiping right on every hot girl can make sense. You may think, the more you swipe, the more likely a hot girl will swipe back, right? No.
Every dating app has some form of profile rankings, and a lot of women are bombarded on apps like Tinder. Let’s say Tinder ranks its profiles from 1 to 10. One means unattractive, problematic, and extremely unpopular, and ten means super hot and gets tons of matches and lengthy conversations every day.
To match the right people together, the app will try to fix up the 8s with similar 7s, 8s, and 9s and fix up the 6s with other 5s, 6s, and 7s (unless they become popular or pay extra).
When you sign up, Tinder doesn’t know how to rank you but still wants to hook you in. So the app sends you hot suggestions and will rank you based on your earlier results. If you get matches quickly, you will rank higher.
But if you keep swiping on every beautiful woman you see without getting any matches. So you will move from a potential 8 to a 5 in a matter of days (or maybe hours), and whoever matching with you will be of the same caliber (or even worse). Ouch…
The solution?
You have to do three things:
- Only swipe right on those you REALLY like (I.e., once every 10-15 suggestion)
- Learn how to chat with the ones you match with (the app will think if they chat with you a lot then you must be good)
- Improve your photos to get better matches
5. Not Understanding the Algorithm
Let’s talk reality, online dating sites are here to make money and their algorithms help them do it. They want you to pay for extra swipes, boosts, and features. Surprisingly, this is a good thing (if you do it correctly).
I don’t want you to splash $200 every month on Tinder. That’s insane. But ask anyone with experience and they will tell you most men can get tens of decent matches every week from a $7 boost done if they pick the right time.
I do one or two Tinder boosts during midweek (probably around 8 -10 pm). It’s usually the time when women have gotten back from work, had dinner, and are now playing with their phones while watching Netflix. And because I’m fun, and so should you, they attune to my conversations and we connect.
Remember, the app wants you to be a customer and will try to make you happy. So, it’s crazy to think it’s always a bad value for the buck.
6. You Come Off as Needy or Desperate
Sex is beautiful but there’s a time, place, and a way of communicating that to a woman, and it’s definitely not in the first opener. Some men think by complimenting a woman’s body, she will like them.
That. Does. NOT. Work.
Why?
Because men shower beautiful women with compliments wherever they go, so adding another “OMG, you’re hot” won’t make you special. You will come off as nice and needy at best or a hungry animal at worst, depending on what you say.
There’ll come the time to compliment the woman, but not right away. Instead, chat for a while, and then wait until she excites you with her personality and compliment that… That’s how women want you to do it.
7. Asking Boring Questions
Boring questions are a huge turnoff. Telling a woman “how’s your day?” rarely gets responses, and if it does, it’s usually a quick polite reply before she zips it for good.
The way out?
Learn how to ask good questions that make women invested in your conversation. Simply find something about them that spikes your curiosity, then comment on it.
Here are some examples where I turned the matches into dates
Example: If she has lots of photos with the same friends.
Women like to feel understood, and questions like that will make them want to chat with you.
8. Not Setting the Frame too Early
A friend recently complained that even though he gets good matches on Tinder, things rarely move past the first date.
He told me about the last girl he met online. A beautiful European who had broken up with her 7-year boyfriend and had no plans for marriage or kids. My friend, on the other hand, was looking for a long term girlfriend who might be the one.
Can you tell how much time and energy these two will waste together before realizing they’re a bad fit?
A lot!
I asked him “does your profile say anything about what you want in a girl?” and he said no. And this is the second mistake you should avoid; not setting the expectations too early.
You want the wrong type of girls to swipe left, You want the right ones to know you’re selective.
And you only want to match with women who are happy to go onboard with your current life. Only the girls who match your values and lifestyle are welcomed.
If you’re looking for just a fling with no strings attached, say it. If you’re looking for a well-read girl who can talk politics with you, say it. And if you’re looking for a woman strong enough to handle the life of a single dad, say it (bluntly). But do not offend.
You may anger some people, but that’s fine. They’re not your type anyway, and they should thank you for saving their time (and yours).
The good news?
Those who will agree with your lifestyle terms will make your love life easier.
