The above affirmation is a powerful declaration of love. Most people would probably say it at the beginning of a marital relationship.
However, the fact is 40 to 50 percent of marriages in the United States end up in divorce, with the average marriage lasting only 8 years according to The U.S. Census Bureau. The statistics in Canada are only slightly different, with the average marriage lasting for 13 years while the divorce rate hovers at 41 percent according to Statistics Canada.
When we take into consideration that people are getting married at an older age, it’s easy to see there are a significant number of older, mature adults now dating. Unfortunately, most mature adults come to the dating scene armed with the courting information of their youth. Information and behavior that is often outdated and no longer suitable in today’s active, changing world.
With the divorce rate of second marriages being much higher than first marriages, in both Canada and the US, a discerning person shouldn’t forge full STEAM ahead with a new relationship. Instead, they should take the time to get to know their potential partner before investing their time, energy and love in a long-term relationship with them.
Wise people don’t make a child with someone until they have a sense of their PERSONAL PARTNER PROFILE – IQ.
Do you have a P.P.P? What’s that you may ask? A Personal Partner Profile. A set of guiding principles you use to help you decide whether or not you want to invest in a romantic long-term relationship with another person.
Affirmations are useful for keeping us motivated, inspired, positive and hopeful. However, when attempting to consider the potential of a long-term relationship, getting grounded, focused and maintaining a generous amount of common sense also has its merits.
In this world of quick relationships, taking the time to get a good sense of a potential partner is powerful information that can guide how you move forward in your potential relationship. Slowing things down is really not such a bad idea.
This rings particularly true for women as our bonding hormones can sell us out quickly before getting to know a partner.
Here are three key areas people need to pay particular attention to before hitching their wagon to someone long term. They include questions in the area of relationships: coping strategies and values.
It’s important to keep these questions at the forefront when thinking about a potential long-term partner.
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How does your potential partner treat the most important people in their life?
This includes their family of origin, children and previous relationships. What is your potential partner’s previous intimate relationship history? Is there someone they’re still emotionally connected to?
Are they still arguing with the ex?
If your potential partner hasn’t resolved issues in their first relationship or set clear boundaries with family members, those issues will interfere in your new relationship. The new relationship may have difficulty getting itself off the ground because of past relationship unresolved issues and lack of boundaries.
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How does your potential partner manage their stress?
What stress management and coping skills do they have? When, where and how do they get upset and angry?
Taking time to slow down and get a real sense of these issues is paramount. Someone who uses marijuana, alcohol or other substances to calm themselves and relax sends a clear message about their ability or lack thereof to cope with life’s stressors.
They may have a chemical dependency or undiagnosed mental health issues – pay attention to their behavior as this is important.
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Do you actually like your potential partner’s personality and character?
Putting aside physical attraction, and great connection, do you genuinely like the person as a human being?
Do you have a good sense of their beliefs and values, their overall philosophy about life? Is their lifestyle in alignment with their philosophy and do you know what’s important to them?
Do you know their beliefs about money and how they handle it? Finally, do you understand where they stand in terms of religion, spirituality and how those issues are important to them?
When we take the time to look at person’s behavior and not just listen to their words; when we take the time to see if words and behavior are in alignment we get a sense of the persons integrity and character.
Most individuals display who they are, their values, characteristics, beliefs from the very beginning. Ignoring these qualities, pretending they don’t exist, or even worse, knowing that they exist and thinking that you have the power to change them is just downright foolhardy.
For those people seeking to find a second-long term partner, using the Personal Partner Profile or some form of it to assess whether a relationship has long term potential is essential. Also, being aware of some relationship conflict in a blended family is important.
Not only does it help the individual to stay grounded in their courting or eventual marriage. It also helps to lessen their potential of becoming a divorce statistic a second time around.
