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Don’t Fix It Unless She Asks You To

When I was in the Air Force we used to say, “If it’s not broke don’t fix it.” As it applies to women if she says, “It’s broke” don’t fix it unless she asks you to. 

“Don’t try to fix it. I just need you to listen.” If you’re a man who is or ever been in a relationship you’ve probably heard these words.

When it comes to talking about our problems and worries with friends, men and women have completely different goals.

When a man unburdens himself to his friends, what he’s really doing is asking for help.

“These are my problems. Help me in coming up with solutions to them.”  

When a woman unburdens herself, what she is really doing is asking for sympathy.

“These are my problems. Isn’t my life terrible because I have all these problems? Don’t you feel sorry for me?”

The reason why so many women think men are incapable of “serious” emotion is because when a woman tells a man about her problems, he immediately does what men do – tries to fix them.

This is a natural response; after all, it he was the one unloading his problems, that’s what he’d want. Some suggestions as to how to fix the problems.

When it comes to women, she doesn’t want solutions, she wants sympathy. Since the man isn’t sympathizing, she believes he is unsympathetic and uncaring toward her concerns despite that being very far from the truth.

Likewise, the reason why so many men think women are unreliable and over-emotional is because when a man tells a woman about his problems, she immediately does what women do.

She talks about how she feels the same way when faced with similar problems and how horrible it is for him and so on, when what he wants is for her to offer him some solution.

Neither gender’s approach is wrong or “uncaring” or “flighty.” They merely reflect the differences in the way the brains of men and women are wired.

Finally hope for men plagued with SSL (Spousal Selective Listening).

About The Author

In 1995, Gerardo Campbell married his wife Roberta aka the Pretty Lady and became the stepdad to her two children. In 2011, he started the website Support for Stepfathers to reverse the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families in the United States. His website is to help and inspire stepfathers, aspiring stepfathers and the women who love them worldwide. You can follow Support for Stepdads on Twitter and Facebook.

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