Loyalty can be a good thing, but there comes a point when you need to get out of a marriage for your own physical, emotional or mental health. It can be difficult for people in a marriage to spot the warning signs their marriage is unhealthy.
You can educate yourself so you’ll know what to watch out for. Here are a few tips to help you determine if your marriage is broken, and what you may be able to do about it.
A Place Of Fear
Your marriage should be a safe place where you can express your feelings, discuss concerns and just be yourself. If you’re constantly walking on eggshells because your partner will blow up over minor things, then there’s a serious problem at play.
You should never be afraid to express yourself. You certainly shouldn’t be afraid of intimacy with your partner.
In a good marriage, partners support and love each other. They’ll accept each other’s little flaws and quirks. They’ll give their spouse the freedom and support necessary to grow.
Unfortunately, far too many marriages are filled with passive aggressive behavior and constant criticism. If you forget to take the trash out sometimes, the comment should be calm and forgiving.
It shouldn’t be a belittling or demeaning statement to you. Know the difference between good and bad criticism. Recognize when it is constant or just on occasion.
Strangers Passing In The Night
A strong marriage features a good deal of teamwork and mutual support. When you start functioning in two separate worlds, it’s the beginning of the end.
You should work together on day-to-day issues, and you should turn to each other for advice and guidance when times get tough.
Some alone time is natural and healthy, but if you hardly ever turn to each other for help and support, something may be missing.
It’s All About Your Partner
People who enjoy healthy marriages are committed to making sure their partner is happy, while also making sure their own personal needs are met. This can be a struggle for men and women alike, but it’s important.
Focusing on your partner’s needs shows you love, care, and respect that person. Constant communication is required to make sure this doesn’t come at the expense of your own well-being.
When everything in a marriage is focused on the needs of just one person, the imbalance becomes like a cancer that will eat away at everything else. Just as you try to make sure your partner is happy and healthy, you should be receiving the same in return.
Physical, Emotional Or Mental Abuse
If you’re in a relationship where your partner strikes you, regularly demeans you, refuses to let you work outside of the home, routinely makes your needs subservient while demanding to be treated in a superior manner, then you need to get out.
This can be hard and frightening for someone who’s trapped in the cycle of abuse, but you may be able to get help from a domestic violence lawyer. Remember that no one deserves to live in this kind of situation. You and your children deserve better.
Refusal to Change
The compromise of marriage includes a willingness to change and grow. This does not mean you should set out to mold your spouse into a different person, but your partner should be willing to listen to your concerns and make adjustments accordingly.
If you’re constantly stressed from working and doing all the housework, then you should be able to speak with your partner about this. They should be willing to help and support you by doing more around the house. If they flatly refuse to change bad habits or make concessions to improve the marriage, then it may be time to formulate an exit plan.
If you’re living with constant heartache and frustration, then it’s time to reevaluate your situation. While you want to be loyal to your spouse and show your children that two people can stay together, it’s also important to remember your happiness matters. Sometimes, walking away so that you can develop a healthier lifestyle is the better choice, and you’ll teach your children how to effectively assess a situation and make the appropriate decision in the process.
If you’re considering divorce please read the following articles on counseling: Marriage Counseling – Key to Saving Marriages and Counseling – Catalyst for Healing Broken Marriages.