Could it be only normal adjustment issues or is there a bigger problem? Most blended families have a hard time adapting to a stepparent and their kids joining the family. Most of the time it is possible to only make an effort to be respectful and give it time and everything will fall into place. Occasionally it’s not that easy. This can be when you begin to dig a bit deeper into the problem’s cause.
First, communicate with your children. Ask your kids what their side of the story is and listen. You should have the ability to get a notion of the exact truth although you might not get it. Describe to your kids a stepparent is only another person who’s there for them rather than someone competing with them. Assure your children you have enough love to give them and your new spouse.
Children will probably blame the battle on the stepparent, but don’t instantly assume they are incorrect. Remember this can be equally as new to your spouse as it is to your children, so they also may not understand just the best way to get it work. Although it’s helpful when the kids like them, it’s far more significant they are respected by them. Your partner is an adult and your children should see your partner as one opposed to a buddy.
Also, you must be certain your partner establishes good boundaries and follows them. Otherwise, the children will walk all over them.
Discipline By Biological Parent
On the other hand, your new spouse must understand they cannot walk into your children’s lives and they are not their replacement parent giving orders and controlling respect. It’s your (the biological parent’s) responsibility to discipline your kids, not the new stepparent.
Married Issues Between Husband & Wife Only
Here are some things in order to avoid doing that may also help.
One important thing would be to not involve your children in your married issues.
However injured or mad you are, never say anything bad to your own kid about your partner. This applies to both parent and the new stepparent.
No Secrets With Children
In addition, the new stepparent shouldn’t ever request the children to keep a secret from the other parent. That is simply asking for trouble. New stepparents should also avoid arguing with the kids. Kids often like to argue because they believe they are always right. You will be saving yourself lots of pressure, if you only tell them you disagree and walk away.
Possibility of Abuse
If not one of these ideas appear to help, then perhaps you need to begin asking yourself some demanding questions. Is there any chance the new stepparent may be abusing your child? You quickly answer, “No way. I wouldn’t be with someone like that.” But lots of times folks “like that” conceal that part of themselves exceptionally well. This may not be something your children will only let you know about.
Look For Signs of Abuse
Look for signals. One classic indication is bed wetting. Other indications contain severe mood swings or violence, and things like dropping grades, becoming removed, quick weight loss or increase. Instantly get some professional help to know just what’s happening, if you find these things. Tend not to relax and tell yourself this is not actually what is wrong with your kid.
Blended Family Therapy
No matter whether your child has been abused, you may still need a little extra help. An excellent reputable therapist who focuses on blended families could be the answer. Even if it is only adjustment problems you might be unable to repair them on your own.
Before You Say, “I Do”
An additional consideration is to address these issues before you and your partner say, “I do.” Having conversations with your children regarding their future stepparent can go a long ways in easing the transition after the wedding. The more issues and concerns addressed, the greater amount of ease. Despite this advanced work you should still expect problems.
Boundaries, respect, and honesty are what it boils down to. If you’re able to create a reciprocal regard between your spouse and your children, then they’re eventually going to get along. They do not have to, although your child may never actually like each other. So long as the kids and your spouse treat each other with respect you’re going to have a joyful household. Or at least a house where there isn’t continuous fighting.