It’s completely normal to have those “rough patches” in any marriage. Life gets hectic and stress builds as we juggle work, children, home life, and a glut of other responsibilities that drain our time and energy. When you find your marriage is becoming more of a chore – and less of a choice – take some time to remember what made you fall in love with your sweetheart in the first place. There are many valuable resources and techniques that can be used to rebuild any relationship. Aside from abuse or cheating (the two big ones), marriage is worth fighting for – and divorce should only be a last resort.
Here are a few items to keep in mind when you find your relationship is fizzling:
Negative Consequences of Divorce
This is an incredibly long and tiresome process. Couples experiencing this literally have to go through and decide what’s mine and what’s yours – and it is likely couples will not agree with each other regarding who gets what.
Should children be involved, there will inevitably be a battle regarding custody. This is usually a very messy process as parents are required to divide time with their kids between each other. It is also an incredibly emotionally draining process for both parents and children alike and often leaves children feeling alone and burdensome.
Divorces are incredibly expensive. Attorney’s fees, court costs, and mediation bills pile up and are financially draining. Furthermore, if children are involved, spousal and child support will ensue.
Studies show divorced adults are generally less happy and are more vulnerable to depression. This is a result of the presence of higher levels of psychological stress coupled with poor self-esteem.
There are also physical repercussions that accompany divorce. These include a higher likelihood of suffering from serious illness and a higher likelihood of dying at an early age.
Divorced adults tend to consume more alcohol than their married counterparts and actually account for the highest proportion of heavy drinkers.
Positive Alternatives to Divorce
Counseling is a wonderful idea for those couples who may be struggling in their marriage. Not only is a more open dialogue expressed, but the presence of a trained professional aids couples in uncovering underlying issues they are sometimes blind to recognizing.
A trial separation is intended to help problematic couples reconfirm their love for one another. When he realizes just how much he misses a home-cooked dinner and she finds navigating the bills is really not her forte, they are better able to recognize the stellar qualities in their spouses.
Serve Your Spouse
In spite of the fact your spouse regularly keeps getting on your nerves, make every effort to remain patient, kind and service-oriented at all times. Say I love you everyday (even if you do not feel like it!) and do your absolute best to keep your cool and be respectful of your partner. In my experiences with relationships, serving the other person (if only to “fake it till I make it”) inevitably leads to my having a greater appreciation for him.
Divorce is an ugly process, and its negative consequences are unsettling. If you find your relationship is in the doldrums, look to more positive alternatives that are less expensive and healthier. If, however, your partner has engaged in some really bad behavior beyond that of dirty clothes lying on the floor or stacks of dishes piling up in the sink, legal advice should be considered, such as from lawyers who practice family law in Vancouver. However, this ought to be a last resort – your marriage is ultimately something worth fighting for!
Annie Babbitt is a freelance writer whose interests include current events, political science, and law. Annie loves helping promote change and being an advocate for those in need. She especially loves writing about legal topics, and draws inspiration for her writing from companies such as Donald B. Phelps Law Corporation.