Divorce is a huge change in anyone’s life, but how you deal with it and your mindset towards it will determine how you move forward. So, here are some tips for men after undergoing a divorce.
1. Understand Your Marriage is a Sunk Cost
In economics, an investment that has already paid and can’t be recovered is a sunk cost. Often, people look at their potential loss from a poor investment and try to find value. They may put more time and money into the bad investment in the hope they can justify their initial decision.
There are many types of sunk cost investments that people have in their lives. People buy cars requiring constant care. They also buy homes that need extensive renovations.
They drag their friends to a restaurant no one wants to go to because they bought a Groupon, instead of making plans to go somewhere they enjoy. When they realize they made a poor choice, they try to make the best of a bad situation.
The same principle applies to relationships, especially marriages. People tend to stay together even when the relationship does not work, because of the investment they have already made in time and emotional energy.
If you are facing or have already gone through a divorce, you may struggle with the concept of your marriage being a sunk cost.
You can’t look at your marriage regarding the time you lost or the emotions you experienced. If your relationship didn’t work out, you need to realize you made the best decision by ending the relationship, even though it was difficult.
2. Reconnect With Old Friends
When you begin a relationship, it’s natural to spend more time with your partner. When you marry, you may find your old friends drifting away, especially if they’re still single.
You gain new friends as a couple and over time can lose the connection you had with your old friends. Now that you’re single again, you should look back at the friendships you may have neglected and reach out.
Going through a divorce can be emotional, mentally, and physically taxing. Men need support during this time.
The best way to get that support is by surrounding yourself with people who care. Did you have friends your wife didn’t like? Or, did you have friends that didn’t like your wife? You may have spent less time with then during your marriage.
When you start a relationship, it’s natural to spend time together. When a relationship gets serious, and you decide to move in together, you will have less time to spend with your friends.
Now that your relationship is over you have the opportunity to reconnect with the men and women that you consider your friends and get the support you need.
3. Be Compassionate With Yourself
Some externalize the conflict. They blame their ex-wife for all of their problems and everything that went wrong in the relationship.
Other men internalize the conflict. They blame themselves for everything. Then they emotionally and mentally beat themselves up, over what happened.
If you find that you are taking full blame for the end of your relationship – stop. During your divorce, it is imperative, you be kind to yourself.
Obsessing over what could have been, isn’t going to change anything. You won’t benefit from reviewing any mistakes you think you might have made.
You must learn to forgive yourself and understand your past decisions don’t need to have an impact your future ones. Showing compassion for yourself is a necessary step, in moving on.
4.Get a Lawyer Right Away
If you know your divorce will be hostile, the first person you should reach out to is a lawyer, to get sound legal advice advises Shrewsbury Solicitors. However, even if you feel your divorce will be amicable, you still need to seek legal counsel.
The truth is, you don’t know how your spouse will react when the divorce proceedings begin. Divorce can bring out the worst in people.
While you want to be fair, you don’t want to risk having your wife’s attorney mug you in the courtroom because you thought you were safe. Seek legal counsel as soon as you believe you want a divorce, get the correct information about the process and don’t look back. You have too much at stake.
5. Indulge Your Bachelor Habits
As painful as divorce it, it’s not all bad. Divorce gives you the opportunity to go back to the earlier, more primal version of you.
You’re a bachelor again. How you experience your new bachelor status is up to you.
Some men kick it into high gear, as soon as the ink dried on their divorce papers. You need to do what’s best for you.
Don’t let other people pressure you to make immediate changes in your lifestyle. When it comes to making these changes, you can hit the ground running, as soon as the divorce is final, or you can take your time and ease back into bachelorhood.
Just remember, divorce offers you the opportunity to indulge in your bachelor habits and do the things that you find satisfying that may have made your wife cringe. Women have their chick flick and ice cream; you might have a team jersey, sweatpants and a bowl of chips.