In a perfect world, stepparents would get along harmoniously with the bioparents.
Stepparents and bioparents would partner and collaborate in raising the shared children to mature, emotionally healthy adults.
Hidden agendas, fears of an outsider taking over your role, and grudges from past hurts and wounds would permanently be set aside allowing the decisions to be made which are always in the children’s best interest. Stepparents would be honored and appreciated by both bioparents and stepchildren for the positive role they have in everyone’s lives.
Thankfully, a stepparents world is varying degrees removed from perfection. Bioparents can view stepparents as threats to their roles as Mom and Dad out of personal insecurities and fears “of being replaced.”
While it’s not usually directly communicated by the bioparents, the perceptive children usually pick up on these insecurities. As a result, the children keep their stepparent at arms length not allowing themselves to get too close out of fear of hurting their bioparent. Associated with this fear would be a avoidance/reluctance to ever express any kind of appreciation to the stepparent. Related behavior would be treating the stepparent disrespectfully and acting like they don’t exist.
Stepparents Natasha and Jason received what has to be considered a rare gift from biological parents. Bioparents Jamey and Tara divorced after seven of marriage and have a son, Nakhjavani. Tara eventually remarried to Jason who’s now Nak’s stepfather. Jamey also has a new partner, Natasha.
I challenge you to watch this emotional video without tears coming to your eyes. Jason and Natasha think they’re going to participate in a discussion on blended families, but bioparents Jamey and Tara have a surprise in store for them.
Jamey and Tara both wrote a letters to their stepparent counterparts Jason and Natasha explaining how they feel about them as a stepparent. Sitting face-to-face, they read their letters to the new parents in their child’s life. Hopefully, as with your own stepchildren, Nak is a very loved and cared about son.
Most of us [stepparents] will never be affirmed the way Jason and Natasha were. This shouldn’t discourage us from doing good.
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