Pre-TeensSelectedTeens

Tips To Teaching Your Kids Self-Sufficiency

It usually falls on us [parents] to create a safe and nurturing environment for our children to grow up in. However, by building an impenetrable bubble around a maturing child, parents can end up shielding their child from responsibility and experiences based on reality.

Instead, we should encourage the natural self-sufficiency within our children, allowing them to function with self-awareness and an ability to take on responsibilities.

Communication

Our children are fascinated by the world around them. While you might be jaded to life nuances, to a child everything is novel. Encourage their wonder by talking with your children about their day, their homework and their fascinations.

While most parents today are busy juggling work and home life, there’s never an excuse for communication with your children solely through text messaging. Make sure your children know they can and should fully express their emotions. Suppression of emotions and inner thoughts can frequently lead to social problems in adulthood.

Problem Solving

With “helicopter parenting” becoming commonplace, many children growing up today will never learn how to problem solve, a skill essential to future success. Instead of doing your child’s homework, allow him or her to make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn!

Over time your kids will become increasingly comfortable doing homework independently. Especially when they know a mistake isn’t the end of the world. You can also teach problem solving in minor home and car repairs.  Making sure your children are prepared to face problems outside the classroom.

While you won’t be handing them a saw or drill, teach kids how to plunge a clogged toilet, tighten a loose screw and how to operate a dishwasher. Kids can benefit from seeing how to problem solve in the house and save money later when they’re living on their own.

Explain what can and can’t be fixed by problem solving alone. Major sewer damage might require South West Plumbing experts rather than a little plumbing savvy.

Independence

You must also allow children the opportunity to explore the world – or even just your home – and all it has to offer on their own. For example, when you’re asked for a snack, show your child how to prepare it so they can make it on their own the next time.

You should also expect certain chores to be accomplished, even if the chores are as small as cleaning their room and doing the dishes. Encourage this behavior by telling your child they are responsible and rewarding them with pride instead of material goods. There’s perhaps no greater key to raising self-sufficient children than by developing their independence at home.

Boundaries

Perhaps counter intuitively, boundaries and structure are necessary in order to raise a self-sufficient child. A developing mind craves structure and without it, will often rebel.

There should be certain boundaries on your child’s behavior or options such as a limit on “screen time” or having dessert for dinner.

You must give your child the opportunity to budget, self-regulate and balance their choices. Growing up with this sense of structure will allow your child to become familiar with the results of their actions and decisions.

Respect

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, in order to raise healthy, self-sufficient children, parents must give respect as well as expect it in return. Nothing is more detrimental to future relationships than a lack of respect.

Instilling this necessary virtue in your growing children, you will be preparing them for the countless situations and connections they will be a part of. Respect your child for who they are and know you must parent the child as an individual. 

As with raising any child, there will be many bumps that can threaten a parent’s sense of progress or achievement. Through consistency and with a mutual respect for parent and child, a healthy lifestyle and relationship will be nurtured. One important aspect of parenting to remember is the ultimate goal is to raise a child self-sufficient enough to function long after you are gone.

About the author

About the author

Brooke Chaplan is a freelance writer and blogger. She studied writing and journalism at the University of New Mexico. After graduating she moved to Los Lunas where she now lives and works. Contact her via Twitter @BrookeChaplan.


Teaching your children life skills is something too important to leave to someone else. While they might learn how to read or do math at their local school, there are some things YOU have to do. Click here to learn six life skills you should teach your kids before they leave home.

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4 Comments

  1. This has got to be one of the toughest things to do as a mom: to let your kids learn life-lessons by themselves. The urge to do everything from them might look noble, but in reality, it won’t be doing them any good in the long haul.

    1. Thank you Joanna for your Comment. It can be tough on a dad too – at least for me anyway. What helps me is thinking how will this help or hinder him as an adult before acting.

      Progress not perfection
      Gerardo

  2. I am trying to teach my kids to be more self-sufficient because I want them to be ready to face the world when it’s time for them to move out and grow up. Thanks for mentioning that it’s important to prepare your children to face problems outside of the classroom as well as in school. I will have to look for opportunities to do that as well as maybe look into self-sufficiency webinars or workshops that could help all of us learn more as well.

    1. Hi Michaela
      Your desire to prepare your children to face life both inside and outside of the classroom is admirable. This should be the goal of all parents, however, we can’t nor should we want to always be available for our kids when they are confronted with life’s challenges.
      In raising my son Nathaniel we had a book that described various problems a child/teen could encounter in the course of daily living. It was kind of what would you do if so and so or such and such happen. The discussions that followed using the book were highly beneficial to Nathaniel’s growth and development. He’s now a West Point cadet.
      All the best in pursuit of your goal.
      Gerardo

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