Having children is a huge responsibility. Parenting experts design the following tests to measure whether you’re ready for that responsibility. A passing score, i.e., better than 70%, indicates you’re ready for parenthood. 😆
Mess Test
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
Toy Test
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. Please have a friend spread them all over the house. (If Legos are unavailable, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles).
Put on a blindfold. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.) Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.
Grocery Store Test
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
Dressing Test
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag, ensuring all arms stay inside.
Feeding Test
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging.
Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
Night Test
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and filling it with 8 – 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM.
Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have heard. Makeup about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set the alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.
Physical Test (Women)
Obtain an oversized beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for nine months. Now remove 10 of the beans.
Physical Test (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store.
Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited in the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
Final Assignment
Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on improving their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child table manners.
Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers. Click here to find out four important things new parents should know.
